SIMMONDS: TEACHING OUR KIDS TO USE HEROIN RESPONSIBLY!

There is it seems no shortage of  "Adam Simmonds" Police Commisioner, stories in the local Chronicle and Echo, so keen are they to quote the man and so keen is he equally to be quoted that it feels at time as we are all up there at Wooton Hall in what he calls "The West Wing" with him as he pronounces daily about the need for policing to be done the Simmonds way.

Do you remember when he wanted to bring back the old fashioned Police telephone boxes (no one has told him about mobile phones yet it seems) or when tried to defend the indefensible over accusations of cronyism after appointing his Tory  Press Agent and Best Friend on very Highly paid deputy police commissioner posts. Then he wanted to take over the fire service, then said he was misquoted when the Tory grandees intervened, and then he said he really wanted more coordination of ALL the blue light services. 40% reduction targets in violent crime are announced, faith and community directors promised to bring a
theological outlook on anti social behaviour and crime, and he has only been in post 5 minutes!

All of these announcements make me dizzy and they also have led me to publicly question his sanity (please see http://www.northamptonshire.public-i.tv/core/portal/webcast_interactive/87487 and fast forward to 04:17:45)

But last night he went one step further! On Radio 4's excellent "The Report" programme Commissioner Simmonds, who compares himself to "President George Washington" was asked to explain his policy to "eradicate drugs" something the whole of the US Army with military support from around the globe has not achieved despite far too many military and civilian lives being lost in Afghanistan and Columbia attempting to do so.

So he told Radio 4's reporter Simon Cox that perhaps eradication was too provocative a word and then he turned the whole policy right on its head by saying the completeand total opposite. No longer would drugs be eradicated, instead they would be tolerated.

I quote him word for word here, and all is available on the BBC iPlayer  to check my sense of fair play, when he said

"it's about educating our kids about proper drug use, from my point of view we can give out leaflets until we are blue in the face with kids. So we've got to teach kids. if they are going to use drugs, how to use them responsibly"

Holy moses, one minute we are set to wipe narcotics off the planet now we are talking about teaching kids to use drugs responsibly, without as much as breath between both statements!

And since when has anyone, anywhere  talked about teaching KIDS to USE drugs!

Now don't get me wrong, I have too have some broad minded and  radical views on refocusing attention onto the treatment of Adults addicted to drugs, which include the medical maintenance of addicts rather than their continued incarceration and criminalisation. I would rather we spent money on treatment orders than on a criminal system with a revolving door straight back into further addiction and criminality, but I have never ever spoken about teaching KIDS how to use drugs! Nor would any sane individual do so

Simon Cox therefore did give him the opportunity to explain his comments further or to perhaps rephrase his comments but he just dug himself into his drug induced hole even further by saying: (again word for word)

"if you are going to have a society which cannot uninvent heroin, the way we cannot uninvent the car, we have to get to a place where our kids understand the effects of those drugs"

So no mistake there then, two short sentences, the use of the word kids 4 times to ensure we all got the message, a u turn from eradicating drugs to us teaching kids how to use them responsibly and then a clarification that we are talking here not about dabbling in a puff of pot or two but about class A drugs such as heroin!

Has any elected individual ever gone this far? Is this new groundbreaking Tory policy? Is Michael Grove about to change the curriculum to include classes on responsible needle use? Does the Prime Minister share the Northamptonshire model as one to be desired across the nation?

And my last point, if I can be told every last uninteresting fact about our new Police and Crime Commissioner in our local newspaper and be drip fed his press releases from the self proclaimed West Wing  on a regular basis, then why isn't a story such as the one above also headline news? Not just in the locals but also in the nationals.

Radio 4  lit the blur touch paper on this last night and something tells me fireworks are about to start popping, and to help my local newspaper along how in getting in before the big boys, how about the following headline to kick off proceedings.

TORY POLICE COMMISSIONER SAYS TEACH KIDS TO USE CLASS A DRUGS.

EX TOWN MP CALLS ON HIM TO RESIGN HIS POST

OLD IT..... FLASH, BANG, WALLOP WHAT A PICTURE

The Mack, as in Local Tory Council leader Cllr David Mackintosh has been looking a bit too pasty of late, he needs some sun on his cheeks and he should remember the old adage of too much work too little play making mack a sad lad  etc etc,

But undeterred by his inability to remove himself from his plush Guildhall Office and the pressures of office it seems that the local Chronicle and Echo has come up with a cunning plan and a whole new props department to ensure that their readers on line and in print can still get their fair quota of Tory friendly Mack based photoshoots.

TIE OFF, WEMBLEY TICKETS ON THE DESK - SMILE

At a time when without our printed nightly paper, local politicians are struggling to get their mugshots printed anywhere some have had to go to some extraordinary lengths to encourage the paper to send out a snapper. I personally haven't had my picture in the paper since the great Johnston Press Share price crash of 2009 and people still think I am a relatively young man!

                     

                                         BLACK TIE ONLY, WHITE LILLY'S, FRAMED IRON LADY,  DON"T SMILE!

TIE OFF AGAIN, FINGER ON THE BUTTON, SIR HUMPHREY LOOKING ON

But no such photo shortage problem for the Mack, in true Mr Benn (do you remember the children's series) style he, and it seems his whole office are suitable dressed and redressed for every occasion, tie on (business like)  tie off (man of the people) suitable desk based prop everyones a winner.

TIE ON AGAIN, LOOK PENSIVE, MUST CLEAN THOSE BLINDS

So tied up in Council business is the Mack that whole Holiday seasons just come and go and if the decor didn't change in the office no one would know any different!

“If I could work my will, said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"

A quick step over to the fireplace and no one will guess its the same office

But then it seemed as if the cat might finally be out of the bag and Daves fear of open spaces, meeting the public and sunshine called for even more props to fool an ever gullible public

TIE OFF, AND WHATEVER YOU DO DON"T MAKE YOURSELF LOOK STUPID BY WRITING ON THAT IPAD

Believe it or not there are many more mackpics out there, never before in the history of Council Leaders have so many photos of one leader been taken in one office with so many different props.

Which is all such a shame as the Mack looked far happier in long gone days when he wasn't such a prisoner of the Guildhall and had the local paper lusting over him for ever more snapshots of pine veneer and vertical blinds and his cheeky grin

SO ESCAPE DAVID ESCAPE, ITS NOT TOO LATE, A WHOLE NEW CHAPTER CAN BEGIN

The day lays bright, with cloud laden sky, I sit and think, as time passes by. Where art though now, dark desk of destiny, no ties to tie me down and tell me why to laugh or grin or muse and cry